Deepthroat, Threesomes, and an Obnoxious Fire Crotch

For those of you who don't know, one of my many jobs is bartending at a little hole in the wall just beyond the boundaries of the Poi. It is only a Sunday night gig, but one of the more enjoyable days that I spend making money to spend. Tonight Dirty Nerds, the HHiC, their friend the Towel Chicken (sorry D, the name's only temporary until I get to know you a little better), Ireland's Oldest Ale Drinking America's Finest Beer (my roommate who temporarily bangs fat chicks and makes them do the walk of shame at 3 in the afternoon, but he really and truly is a great guy), and a group of native Mattapoisettians made up the bulk of my crowd, so, as you see Sundays are always good days. That is, until the obnoxious fire crotch and her drunken blond bimbo friend decided to grace us with their presence. For some reason, anyone born between 1984 and 1986 seems to think that the entire universe revolves around them. But I am getting a bit ahead of myself, I digress.

The evening began to get interesting when a couple of regulars stopped by. That in itself is not interesting, nor is it exciting, but it should be known that I hate this twat and think she's a cunt. Yes, I said it and I will shout it from the roof of my one story house. She is absolutely the epitome of a douche nozzle. So the Cunt decides that she is cold, but instead of asking even semi nicely to make her environment a little more comfortable for her, she decides to be a bitch. So me, being the sweetest motherfucker alive, offered to turn off the air. This was her reply. "Uh, yeah, and you can get me a Bud Light while you're at it". Once again, may I remind you that I am the sweetest motherfucker alive, so I retrieved her beer and cranked the air as cold as I could make it. Eat my shit and die Cunt.

Enter the good crowd...

Since I inadvertently omitted many of Saturday's events as I may or may not have had too much to drink, and I may or may not have remembered many things which I can neither confirm nor deny at this time (just a little side bar...if you can't remember that it happened, it never happened), Dirty Nerds and the HHiC helped fill in the blanks. This conversation somehow led to the discovery of certain threesome pictures which, if I go into any detail here I will most definitely need years of therapy to get over. Let's just say that it involved people whom I have no business thinking about naked, let alone involved in a threesome caught on film, and more or less what some would consider deepthroating, yet could also be considered face fucking. I think I just threw up a little in the back of my mouth.

Back to the obnoxious fire crotch.

So these bitches saddle in, and begin to wreak havoc among the normal folk and make complete asses of themselves. OFC begins to fondle and molest PDogg (one of the natives) in trying to get a better view of her tattoos. OFC also rubbed her itty bitty titty nubs on the arm of Ireland's Oldest Ale Drinking America's Finest Beer (who, just for the record claims her tits were really nice and would have banged the shit out of her had she not been so drunk and a wee bit older). These two inserted themselves in a crowd who not only did not want them there, but did not want them there. Every comment, every laugh, and every conversation led the OFC to believe that it was all about her. I despise 22 year olds.